Jack & Mommy

Jack is 3. His mom is 20-something. Jack says funny things. His mom types them here for you to enjoy.
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Thursday, September 19, 2013

postheadericon So random.

While eating spaghetti and garlic bread:

J: "Mom, will you come get dis bug dat's flying by me?"
M: "Yeah, where is it?"
J: "Oh, I think it flied away."
M: "I think he wants to eat your supper."
J: "Noooo. Bugs don't like supper."

Dang, I wish that was true.

While eating a Swiss Cake Roll:

J: "Mom, I like dees marshmallows in here."
M: "Me too!"
J: "Mom, I wanna go camping."
M: "What? Why?"
J: "So dat we can eat marshmallows, wif da fire."

.....a few minutes later...

J: "okay mom, I won't kill you."
M: "WHAT?!"
J: "I said I won't kill you."
M: "um... okay. Thanks."

In other news, today is my and D's 4th wedding anniversary. Weird. What happened to all that time?
Monday, September 2, 2013

postheadericon Long weekend away.

Jack is spending the weekend with his Grandma & Grandpa and we just talked to him on the phone for a minute.

M: "Hey babe! What are you doing?"
J: "Nuffin, just hanging out wif Grandma and Grandpa."
M: "Oh, that sounds like fun."
J: "I want to hold you." (Which is J speak for "I want you to hold me")
M: "Aw baby, I'll see you tomorrow!"
J: "Yeah, you can't hold me when you're in Cweeve-land."

As soon as we got home from picking him up:

J: "Oh, I gotta ooz (use) da potty!"
M: "Okay, hurry and go."
He runs in the bathroom but I don't hear him moving his potty chair onto the toilet.
M: "Jack, what are you doing?"
J: "WHAT?"
M: "What are you doing???"
J: "Pooping in my pants!"

Monday, August 19, 2013

postheadericon Just a little bedtime snack.

J: "I'm gonna eat.... a.... book!"
M: "okay."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat... a... bed!"
M: "alright."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat... da cats!"
M: "sure."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat.... a.... DADDY!"
M: "You're gonna eat your daddy?"
J: "No, not MY daddy. Someone else's daddy."
M: "Oh thank goodness."
Saturday, August 10, 2013

postheadericon Facts.

J: "Mommy, I'm gonna put a butt-..."
M: "..."
J: "Mommy, I'm gon' put a button in your eye..."
M: "You're gonna put a button in my eye??"
J: "Yeah, I'm gon' put a... BELLY BUTTON in your eye!"
M: "That doesn't even make sense."
J: "Yes it DOES make sauce!"

Okay then.

After I told Dad to start folding some laundry while I start another load:

J: "Mommy tells Daddy what to do. Mommy AND Daddy tell Jack what to do. Nobody tells Mommy what to do."

It's about time SOMEONE realized this fact of life.
Saturday, August 3, 2013

postheadericon Saturday loveliness.

When one of the cats laid down near him with her butthole on full display:
"No kitty, I don't wanna see your butt. It gots a lot of poops in it."

He came up with a really awkward little song today:
"Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell on our way, to help a baby chicken and... HIT HIM ON DA KNEE!"

It was vaguely to the tune of The Wonder Pets theme song:

But I'm not sure the Wonder Pets advocate violence against chicken knees.
Friday, August 2, 2013

postheadericon Highlights from this week

I was watching this video on YouTube:

And Jack says, "Oh what are doze girls doing?"
M: "What does it look like they're doing?"
J: "I think dey're throwing lots of stuff in da fire."
M: "Yeah."
J: "Like books and stuff."
M: "Mhmm"
J: "I don't wanna throw MY books in da fire.......... den they will get fire on dem!"

Today, Dad got to daycare before I did, so he went in and picked up J. There's a girl named Molly who is supper attached to J. She's probably 5 or 6 and is seriously awkward with him. She always talks about how cute he is and says things like "your son is so adorable".

So Molly told D and she calls J "Jacksie" because "he has touched my heart." WHAT!? This chick is like, 5 years old.

And as I was asking D to recount the story again so I could blog Jack heard us talking and said:
"NO! Dat's my best friend. She says I'm so cute."

I'm about to get all protective mom on a small child in a minute.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013

postheadericon He's on a roll today.

After playing outside with his new water table for 3 minutes:
J: "Daddy, can you dry me off?"
D: "Yeah, but what's wet?"
J: "My self is wet"
(None of his self was wet.)

Upon seeing a sprinkler in someone's front yard:
"Woah! It's tickling their car!"

On the subject of Red Robin and it's deliciousness:
"No mom, only Steak & Shake is delicious."

Today was water day at school. Every once in a while, during Summer, they turn on the sprinklers at school and let the kids run around. Well, Jack was apparently in line to change clothes, his teacher turned around for a minute and when she turned back around to help him into his swimsuit, he had run to the other side of the room, stripped off all of his clothes and started coloring all over himself with markers. I asked him about it and he said, "yeah, one of my friends said I'm naked." And now my child is the "Naked Kid" at daycare. Good times.

He's my silly little nerd.