Jack Knick Knacks

While eating spaghetti and garlic bread:

J: "Mom, will you come get dis bug dat's flying by me?"
M: "Yeah, where is it?"
J: "Oh, I think it flied away."
M: "I think he wants to eat your supper."
J: "Noooo. Bugs don't like supper."

Dang, I wish that was true.

While eating a Swiss Cake Roll:

J: "Mom, I like dees marshmallows in here."
M: "Me too!"
.....
J: "Mom, I wanna go camping."
M: "What? Why?"
J: "So dat we can eat marshmallows, wif da fire."

.....a few minutes later...

J: "okay mom, I won't kill you."
M: "WHAT?!"
J: "I said I won't kill you."
M: "um... okay. Thanks."

In other news, today is my and D's 4th wedding anniversary. Weird. What happened to all that time?

Jack is spending the weekend with his Grandma & Grandpa and we just talked to him on the phone for a minute.

M: "Hey babe! What are you doing?"
J: "Nuffin, just hanging out wif Grandma and Grandpa."
M: "Oh, that sounds like fun."
J: "I want to hold you." (Which is J speak for "I want you to hold me")
M: "Aw baby, I'll see you tomorrow!"
J: "Yeah, you can't hold me when you're in Cweeve-land."

As soon as we got home from picking him up:

J: "Oh, I gotta ooz (use) da potty!"
M: "Okay, hurry and go."
He runs in the bathroom but I don't hear him moving his potty chair onto the toilet.
M: "Jack, what are you doing?"
J: "WHAT?"
M: "What are you doing???"
J: "Pooping in my pants!"
M: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

J: "I'm gonna eat.... a.... book!"
M: "okay."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat... a... bed!"
M: "alright."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat... da cats!"
M: "sure."
J: "and den I'm gonna eat.... a.... DADDY!"
M: "You're gonna eat your daddy?"
J: "No, not MY daddy. Someone else's daddy."
M: "Oh thank goodness."

J: "Mommy, I'm gonna put a butt-..."
M: "..."
J: "Mommy, I'm gon' put a button in your eye..."
M: "You're gonna put a button in my eye??"
J: "Yeah, I'm gon' put a... BELLY BUTTON in your eye!"
M: "That doesn't even make sense."
J: "Yes it DOES make sauce!"

Okay then.

After I told Dad to start folding some laundry while I start another load:

J: "Mommy tells Daddy what to do. Mommy AND Daddy tell Jack what to do. Nobody tells Mommy what to do."

It's about time SOMEONE realized this fact of life.

"No kitty, I don't wanna see your butt. It gots a lot of poops in it."

He came up with a really awkward little song today:
"Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell on our way, to help a baby chicken and... HIT HIM ON DA KNEE!"

It was vaguely to the tune of The Wonder Pets theme song:


But I'm not sure the Wonder Pets advocate violence against chicken knees.

I was watching this video on YouTube:


And Jack says, "Oh what are doze girls doing?"
M: "What does it look like they're doing?"
J: "I think dey're throwing lots of stuff in da fire."
M: "Yeah."
J: "Like books and stuff."
M: "Mhmm"
J: "I don't wanna throw MY books in da fire.......... den they will get fire on dem!"


Today, Dad got to daycare before I did, so he went in and picked up J. There's a girl named Molly who is supper attached to J. She's probably 5 or 6 and is seriously awkward with him. She always talks about how cute he is and says things like "your son is so adorable".

So Molly told D and she calls J "Jacksie" because "he has touched my heart." WHAT!? This chick is like, 5 years old.

And as I was asking D to recount the story again so I could blog Jack heard us talking and said:
"NO! Dat's my best friend. She says I'm so cute."

I'm about to get all protective mom on a small child in a minute.

After playing outside with his new water table for 3 minutes:
J: "Daddy, can you dry me off?"
D: "Yeah, but what's wet?"
J: "My self is wet"
(None of his self was wet.)

Upon seeing a sprinkler in someone's front yard:
"Woah! It's tickling their car!"

On the subject of Red Robin and it's deliciousness:
"No mom, only Steak & Shake is delicious."

Today was water day at school. Every once in a while, during Summer, they turn on the sprinklers at school and let the kids run around. Well, Jack was apparently in line to change clothes, his teacher turned around for a minute and when she turned back around to help him into his swimsuit, he had run to the other side of the room, stripped off all of his clothes and started coloring all over himself with markers. I asked him about it and he said, "yeah, one of my friends said I'm naked." And now my child is the "Naked Kid" at daycare. Good times.

He's my silly little nerd.

On the topic of Cedar Point:
Grandma: "I haven't been there in probably more than 10 years."
Dad: "Yeah, me too."
Jack: "I haven't been der' in 16 years."

While taking a bath, me sitting in the living room (like, 15 feet away, don't spaz):
J: "MOMMY, I NEED BUBBLES!" (I forgot to put bubble bath in)
M: "No baby, just finish up your bath so we can get ready for bed."
J: "BUT MOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! NO BUBBLES MAKES ME SADDDD!"

Something Dad's been waiting to hear his whole life:
"Daddy, teach me how to do it!"

On the subject of personal space:
"Mommy, dat's not nice. You don't take off somebody's socks!"

From Dad's POV when I went to the grocery store tonight before bedtime:
J: "Hey Daddy, where's Mom?"
D: "Remember, Mom went to the grocery store. She told you before you got in the bath."
J: <giant shrug> "Well, how am I supposed to tell her good night?!"
D: "That's why she told you she was going to the store."
J: "... oh well. Let's put on jammies."

Also, my dude is 3 years old as of yesterday. I can't believe it. This has been the craziest roller coaster ride ever.

M: "Okay, let's brush your teeth, sweetheart."
J: "WHAT!? POPTART!?"
M: "Nooooo! I said 'sweetheart'!"
J: "OH! I taught you called me a Poptart!"
M: "Why would I call you a Poptart?!"
J: "hahaha! You're silly, mommy!"

After school today, Big J's teacher informed us that he was repeatedly caught pushing other kids down and laying on them. He even gave his "best friend" a boo-boo. Supposedly his friend pushed him, so J pushed him back, knocking friend to the ground and giving him an owie. We're not sure what sparked the initial push, so no one knows whose fault it actually was. But my kid took it to the max and started strong-arming everyone else. So, that's great.

Freakin' Poptart.

I was in the kitchen, putting dinner together. J and D were in the living room watching cartoons on Netflix. I came out and did a little dance to the theme song of some show.

While at the dinner table at Grandma & Grandpa's house-

M: "Jackson, get back up here and eat your supper."
J: "No mom! It's not going to fly away!"

Trying to figure out what's for breakfast-

J: "Mom, I want a coooookie for breakfast."
M: "No, no cookies. How about cereal?"
J: "NO. I want a coooookie!"
D: "What about some turkey bacon?"
J: "NOOOOOOO!"
D: "How about nothing for breakfast?"
J (obviously frustrated): "No. I want --- stop saying--- STOP SAYING WORDS TO ME!"

....He finally decided bacon (and eggs) was the answer.

J: "Hey dad, what do polar bears like to do?"

This morning while getting ready for the day...

M: "Jack, it's time to brush our teeth."
J: "But mom, I just have to dance!"

After tonight's bath, he runs out of the bathroom...

This just happened this morning. Big Jack came into our bedroom and crawled up on the bed beside me and asked me to put his socks on. His feet were freezing, so I thought that was pretty smart of him. Nope.

Jack: "Okay mom, now I will get my shoes!"
Mom: "What? It's 7 o'clock, babe. Mommy and daddy are still sleeping. Just go play with your toys."
J: "Nope. I'm going outside."
M: "Jackson, if you go outside, you'll be in big trouble."

This did not go over well with Mr Independent.

J: "AAARRGGHHH! YOU LEAF ME ALONE!"
M: "Wow. Okay. Don't go outside."

He started to leave our room and close the door.

M: "Leave that door open."
J: "NO. You close your eyes and go to sleep."
Dad: "Jackson, be nice."
J: "ARRRGGHHH!"

So now I'm wide awake thinking he'll figure out how to make it outside. I walk into the living room to this:


J: "You go back to bed, Mom. I'm going outside."

"Hey Mom... kitten has ears."
"Yes she does. Do you have ears?"
::checks his ears:: "Hmm... yep! Do you have ears too, mom?"
::check my ears:: "Yep!"
"Does my dad have ears?"
"I think so."
"Oh. Does Peet (Dad's friend) have ears?"
"Yes."
"WOW. Dat's a lot of ears!"

While eating crackers:
"Mom, did a crumb just jump right outta my mouf?"

On Wolves:
"Wolfs are like big dogs. But dey're not dogs. Dey're wolfs."


On Gorillas:
"He gots a big hairy butt!"

Yes he does.

He might grow up to be a zoologist
"Mommy, what does a jaguar say?"
"I don't know baby, what?"
............
............
"Mommy I want Goldfish!"
"WHAT! Is that what a jaguar says?!"
"haha.... nooooooo."

...Or maybe a fashion designer:
"Hey Jack, do you like this shirt?"
"ummm.... yes. You could wear a purple shirt too!"
"You think I should wear a purple shirt?"
"Yep!"
<I go change into a purple shirt>
"Is this better?"
"Um.... yes!"

...But probably not an entomologist:
"Mommy, look at all doze ants!"
"I see them! Do you want to hold one?"
"NOOOO! Dey are soooo cweepy!"

Can't argue there.

Jack: "Meowww"
Dan: "Jackson, don't meow. You're not a cat. What do you want?"
Jack: "I want to hold you! ...... meow" (translation: "I want you to hold me")
Dan: "Stop meowing. What do you say?"
Jack, clearly defeated: "Okay I won't meow. I am not a kitty."

Wisest words of the day:
"SASSAFRASS AND HERPADERP!!"

Jackie Dude is big on correcting us. I guess he doesn't realize that I've been around for a while and know a few things. I remember being a teenager and thinking I knew everything. This dude is only 2. The teenage years should be loads of fun. Hah!

Big J likes to reminisce on the good old days.

"Hey daddy. Remember when you went to the DMV?" (Two weeks ago, Dad went to the DMV to renew his license.)
"Remember when we went to Steak & Shake?" (Yep, that was literally an hour ago.)
"MOMMY! Remember when I puked at school?" (Yes, and I'm glad I wasn't there to see it.)
"Remember when my gramma and grampa picked me up from school?" (Dad's parents... more than 3 months ago)

I hope he always wants to "remember when".

After I made fun of a McDonald's drive-thru sign advertising that future employees could look forward to great incentives like PART TIME! BENEFITS! CAREERS! TEAMWORK!:

"No mommy, teamwork is only for da Wonder Pets."

Oh yeah... I forgot only Lenny, Tuck, and Ming-Ming can partake in teamwork. My bad.


"Oooohhhh yeah, we don't want dat stanky trash back at our house."

"Come at me, bro! Let's fight!" (He then proceeds to slapfight with his dad)


I found this old school video of Jack being his goofy, happy self.

April 4, 2013

"Hey daddy! I farted on mommy!"

April 6, 2013

"Hey Jack, whatcha doing?"
"Playin' wif Mister Potato Chips' teef!"


Jack: "Hey mom, what color is dis race car?"
Mom: "Silver"
Jack: "Yep! What color is daddy's red race car?"
Mom: "Um... red?"
Jack: "Yep! You're super smart!"
Mom: "Oh, thanks!"

Today

(Referring to his sweatshirt that has a moose on it): "Mommy, a moose is NOT a cow, okay!?"
(Later while watching "his" Canadian geese that hang out near his school): "Watch out gooses! You will get squished by a cool race car!"